Things here are about the same. The boys are growing, sleeping, eating, you know, being babies. They are starting to smile and talk a little so they are super cute. Mom has been in residential treatment for two weeks and seems like she will stay where she is. There is a meeting coming up to decide about long term care for them until mom works her case plan. And we just keep changing diapers.
The boys were not placed here through our region* but from a region that just got a big award for the new and improved way they are managing cases. I have gotten several calls from "team members" to see if I need anything, to be certain the boys can get the services they need and so on. I really like it! One of the team members is a placement specialist that I've worked with before and I really like her. I told her that I was not going to take any cases for my region anymore, all my kids will be from her region. Apparently all of our county is supposed to be modeling after this region, we'll see.
In spite of the fact that we have six (really) bedrooms in this house, I feel like we are all crammed into our one tiny bedroom. Maybe because we are! Since the boys are probably staying a while, I really want to move things around so we are in a bigger bedroom. This will mean that we move our bedroom upstairs and Ella's bedroom upstairs because I don't think she will sleep in her room by herself downstairs (Peter's and Julia's rooms are upstairs) since she doesn't even make it through the night in her own bed when we are right next door. So it means a lot of moving around. Honey HATES change, of any sort. If I replace a photo in a frame, he is unhappy. If I move a chair or (heaven forbid) the sofa he is beside himself. He hates when the Christmas decorations go up and he hates when they come down. So he has no interest in moving anyone's bedroom anywhere. If I want to sleep upstairs, I can go ahead, but I can't take any of the furniture with me. I can, however, take the boys with me since they are far from sleeping through the night. Sigh.
*If you are just tuning in. . my county covers a very large geographical area so it is divided into five regions. Kids are assigned based on where birth mom lives and in theory kids should reside in the region they are placed through. In reality homes are not always available in the region mom lives in, particularly for infants of med frag kids, so sometimes they are placed in a different region.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Oh, I almost forgot. . .
Back in September Brenda commented:
You guys must feel pretty good about yourselves, adopting out of the foster care system and all of that. Just a quick question here. Did any of their biological parents sign over their rights to you or were they terminated by the court? See, I have a big, big problem with people who foster/adopt because the vast majority of them do it only for the money. As soon as these children turn 18, they will be turned out on the streets. I read articles like that every single day. What favors are you really doing them? They're not sent to college. They're not given any money. It's bye, c-ya later, maybe! If I see you, I might acknowledge your presence but then again, I might not. At least with their REAL parents, they won't get thrown out into the streets.
I've wanted to respond to it for a while, but, you know, life gets crazy around here. So obviously Brenda, you don't read the blog, but please let me clarify things for you.
I know a lot of foster and adoptive parents and I don't know any who do it for the money. The reimbursement we get from the county does not cover the cost of caring for the children we have. Foster parenting is the only volunteer work I have ever done that costs me money out of pocket. I'm not complaining or obviously I wouldn't do it, I'm just stating fact. Adoptive parents don't get any reimbursement unless the children have special or medical needs. Not in our county anyway.
In our county many foster parents continue to house and support the foster youth that have grown up with them. They are part of the family. Every youth in care in our county is offered life skills class beginning when they are 13 years old. This covers everything from balancing a checkbook to what to wear to a job interview. There are summer intern programs so youth in care can get job experience. If they are unable or chose not to stay with their foster family, there are transitional living homes that they can chose to go into. I've visited a couple of them and they are really nice homes. Shared housing with an adviser. Very similar to dorms, but on a smaller scale. In our state if a youth in care gets into college (and in my region there are two foster family association centers that offer tutoring, college counseling and other support at least three days per week all school year) they are given a full scholarship along with a stipend for housing and living expenses. The scholarship is for ANY school they get into. You get into Stanford? Paid. Yale? Paid. If you don't get into college you can take advantage of occupational training because youth who have been in care are given priority and moved to the top of the wait list of the program they are interested in.
Unfortunately many youth are unable to take advantage of the assistance offered them because of organic brain damage from their mother's use of drugs and/or alcohol. Or because of early trauma suffered at the hands of their families. And that is a tragedy, but not one brought on by the foster parents who are trying to help.
You guys must feel pretty good about yourselves, adopting out of the foster care system and all of that. Just a quick question here. Did any of their biological parents sign over their rights to you or were they terminated by the court? See, I have a big, big problem with people who foster/adopt because the vast majority of them do it only for the money. As soon as these children turn 18, they will be turned out on the streets. I read articles like that every single day. What favors are you really doing them? They're not sent to college. They're not given any money. It's bye, c-ya later, maybe! If I see you, I might acknowledge your presence but then again, I might not. At least with their REAL parents, they won't get thrown out into the streets.
I've wanted to respond to it for a while, but, you know, life gets crazy around here. So obviously Brenda, you don't read the blog, but please let me clarify things for you.
I know a lot of foster and adoptive parents and I don't know any who do it for the money. The reimbursement we get from the county does not cover the cost of caring for the children we have. Foster parenting is the only volunteer work I have ever done that costs me money out of pocket. I'm not complaining or obviously I wouldn't do it, I'm just stating fact. Adoptive parents don't get any reimbursement unless the children have special or medical needs. Not in our county anyway.
In our county many foster parents continue to house and support the foster youth that have grown up with them. They are part of the family. Every youth in care in our county is offered life skills class beginning when they are 13 years old. This covers everything from balancing a checkbook to what to wear to a job interview. There are summer intern programs so youth in care can get job experience. If they are unable or chose not to stay with their foster family, there are transitional living homes that they can chose to go into. I've visited a couple of them and they are really nice homes. Shared housing with an adviser. Very similar to dorms, but on a smaller scale. In our state if a youth in care gets into college (and in my region there are two foster family association centers that offer tutoring, college counseling and other support at least three days per week all school year) they are given a full scholarship along with a stipend for housing and living expenses. The scholarship is for ANY school they get into. You get into Stanford? Paid. Yale? Paid. If you don't get into college you can take advantage of occupational training because youth who have been in care are given priority and moved to the top of the wait list of the program they are interested in.
Unfortunately many youth are unable to take advantage of the assistance offered them because of organic brain damage from their mother's use of drugs and/or alcohol. Or because of early trauma suffered at the hands of their families. And that is a tragedy, but not one brought on by the foster parents who are trying to help.
Wow!
Big changes my boy's case today. Mom checked into a 6-12 month residential treatment facility. I think this is a very good thing. The judges all love this particular facility (it is the only long term treatment center in our county) and moms can have their kids with them while they get treatment. Mom will be getting three hour visits twice a week starting tomorrow.
The relatives that the boys are supposed to be moving to have probably been ruled out as an option. Apparently someone in the house has a tiny problem with alcohol. Also the primary caregiver is in very poor health. I'm not sure yet how I feel about this one. On the one hand I don't want the boys going somewhere that's not safe. On the other hand I think all kids should be with their family whenever possible. These kids have a very large extended family but there isn't anyone who has come forward to try to take them, except the one family that won't clear. Maybe once that information gets out someone else will come forward. I'll be surprised, but I've been surprised before.
The CW told me before she spoke to the family, in fact she still hasn't spoken to the family and she asked me not to discuss it with them. No problem there! I'm not touching that one. I think they'll call a meeting and ask all of the players in to decide together, which is a little bit sneaky since they are leaning heavily towards not placing them there. But that is way above my pay grade.
The relatives that the boys are supposed to be moving to have probably been ruled out as an option. Apparently someone in the house has a tiny problem with alcohol. Also the primary caregiver is in very poor health. I'm not sure yet how I feel about this one. On the one hand I don't want the boys going somewhere that's not safe. On the other hand I think all kids should be with their family whenever possible. These kids have a very large extended family but there isn't anyone who has come forward to try to take them, except the one family that won't clear. Maybe once that information gets out someone else will come forward. I'll be surprised, but I've been surprised before.
The CW told me before she spoke to the family, in fact she still hasn't spoken to the family and she asked me not to discuss it with them. No problem there! I'm not touching that one. I think they'll call a meeting and ask all of the players in to decide together, which is a little bit sneaky since they are leaning heavily towards not placing them there. But that is way above my pay grade.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Updates
I did finally receive a reimbursement check for the twins, but I had to go to the head of the department to get it processed. No idea why that was such a big deal, but whatever, it's done.
I took back the twin stroller. I really, really hated it. In theory it should make things easier, but in reality it was hard to maneuver, the babies (OK mostly just one of them) did not appreciate being put down and you can't very easily push a double stroller while holding a three-month-old baby. It's gone. I am still thinking about Plan B. Renee suggested that I try two slings and I will do pretty soon. I can still get them both into the one and neither of them has enough muscle control yet to sit up on my hip without a lot of support. I also may get a wrap type sling like the Ultimate or a Didymoss and put one in back.
How can two babies be born to the same parents, have the same prenatal experience and life experience have such different temperaments? Little guy is so content and mellow and big boy is, um, higher maintenance. Although I suppose it would be really, really hard to have two big boys.
We ditched the class day Ella was in after being told by the interim (actual director is out on leave and now we hear maybe not coming back) director that there is no way to make it safe. In spite of the fact that it is a public charter school, tax dollars are being spent, but he can't figure out any way to stop bullying from happening at school, in and out of the classroom. Seriously? At any rate we (and several other families) are done. Ella is actually enjoying the slower pace being home every day gives us. I'm not so concerned with keeping up with the lesson plan because I know over the whole week there is time to get it done and I'm working on some other shared inqiry type learning situations. Anyone interested in a read aloud book club? Kindergarten writing circle? Come on over.
Big boy is requesting attention, so that all the updates for today!
I took back the twin stroller. I really, really hated it. In theory it should make things easier, but in reality it was hard to maneuver, the babies (OK mostly just one of them) did not appreciate being put down and you can't very easily push a double stroller while holding a three-month-old baby. It's gone. I am still thinking about Plan B. Renee suggested that I try two slings and I will do pretty soon. I can still get them both into the one and neither of them has enough muscle control yet to sit up on my hip without a lot of support. I also may get a wrap type sling like the Ultimate or a Didymoss and put one in back.
How can two babies be born to the same parents, have the same prenatal experience and life experience have such different temperaments? Little guy is so content and mellow and big boy is, um, higher maintenance. Although I suppose it would be really, really hard to have two big boys.
We ditched the class day Ella was in after being told by the interim (actual director is out on leave and now we hear maybe not coming back) director that there is no way to make it safe. In spite of the fact that it is a public charter school, tax dollars are being spent, but he can't figure out any way to stop bullying from happening at school, in and out of the classroom. Seriously? At any rate we (and several other families) are done. Ella is actually enjoying the slower pace being home every day gives us. I'm not so concerned with keeping up with the lesson plan because I know over the whole week there is time to get it done and I'm working on some other shared inqiry type learning situations. Anyone interested in a read aloud book club? Kindergarten writing circle? Come on over.
Big boy is requesting attention, so that all the updates for today!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Up to Date.
As a rule, I don't try to put babies into a stroller until they are sitting up fairly well, somewhere around 7 months or so. I wear them in a sling until then. But I broke down today and bought a double stroller. I can still get the boys both into a sling, but it's tight and I can't do it for very long. Honey will happily wear one if we are going somewhere together, but I really am starting to have a hard time doing things like the library or grocery shopping or any other kind of shopping for that matter on my own. Since Honey feels compelled to work full time, I'm kind of up-a-creek during the week. So, the double stroller. I didn't actually put them in it today. I'm going to meet a friend for coffee tomorrow morning so thought I would try it then.
We have a new worker who I will meet later this week. I kind of like her already though, she is picking mom up at her house and transporting her across the county to do a visit because mom doesn't have transportation. She is working hard at getting the grandparents cleared to at least do the visits so they can bring the baby to her and she won't have this ongoing struggle with getting somewhere to see her babies.
I found out this week that the county is unable to reimburse me for these babies because mom is still getting cash aid for them. Apparently they are unwilling to pay both of us to care for the children and they've decided to pay the mom who isn't caring for them. Go figure!
Your up to date now.
We have a new worker who I will meet later this week. I kind of like her already though, she is picking mom up at her house and transporting her across the county to do a visit because mom doesn't have transportation. She is working hard at getting the grandparents cleared to at least do the visits so they can bring the baby to her and she won't have this ongoing struggle with getting somewhere to see her babies.
I found out this week that the county is unable to reimburse me for these babies because mom is still getting cash aid for them. Apparently they are unwilling to pay both of us to care for the children and they've decided to pay the mom who isn't caring for them. Go figure!
Your up to date now.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sorry!
It's been a long time since I've posted. My life is so full right now. I'm loving every minute of it. OK maybe not so much the awake minutes between midnight and six and there are way too many of them, but most of the rest of them.
The twins are growing like little weeds. One of them much more so than the other. We had no case worker for a couple of weeks, but I heard on Monday that a new one has been assigned. Apparently the case was moved to a different district because mom moved (she's homeless, I'm not sure how they determined her "move" but whatever) to the new district. The maternal grandparents are theoretically planning to take the boys, but there are problems, so who knows on that front. The smaller of the boys seems to have some delays, more assessment pending. The bigger boy has some issues with his scull and may need a helmet. Dr. B suspects little brother was pushing on his head for 7 1/2 months and mashed his plates together.
Ella started attending a class day at a charter school a few hours per week and it has proved to be an unmitigated disaster. We've chosen to stay home this week until I can make a decision about the rest of the semester. She is happy and learning just fine at home. I'd like her to be in some sort of group activity but maybe (probably) something else.
I guess that brings you up to date. I've got a crying baby to see about!
The twins are growing like little weeds. One of them much more so than the other. We had no case worker for a couple of weeks, but I heard on Monday that a new one has been assigned. Apparently the case was moved to a different district because mom moved (she's homeless, I'm not sure how they determined her "move" but whatever) to the new district. The maternal grandparents are theoretically planning to take the boys, but there are problems, so who knows on that front. The smaller of the boys seems to have some delays, more assessment pending. The bigger boy has some issues with his scull and may need a helmet. Dr. B suspects little brother was pushing on his head for 7 1/2 months and mashed his plates together.
Ella started attending a class day at a charter school a few hours per week and it has proved to be an unmitigated disaster. We've chosen to stay home this week until I can make a decision about the rest of the semester. She is happy and learning just fine at home. I'd like her to be in some sort of group activity but maybe (probably) something else.
I guess that brings you up to date. I've got a crying baby to see about!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Still Here
Sorry I've been quiet for a while. I am overwhelmed with life. I think I'm having a good day, one in which I've showered in the last 24 hours and perhaps brushed my hair or teeth and then I realize I'm at the grocery store wearing my pajama pants. The twins are so very cute and so very, very sweet and oh so demanding and not so very sleepy.
I was in the store formerly known as price club and I had them both in the sling. A woman asked me if I had a two headed baby. I assured her that I did.
A man at the local TJ's chased me through the store with his cell-cam trying to take pictures of them. He got really, really bent out of shape when I wouldn't let him.
Everywhere we go people want to touch them and kiss them. Um - keep your germy hands offa my babies people! Ella has started saying "yes they're twins, two boys, eight weeks old" as soon as anyone approaches. It's kind of funny. I've learned to just keep moving as I smile and answer.
Lily and her family moved away to northern California a couple of months ago so we flew out to visit them last week, with the boys. The kids were so, so good, but it was quite an adventure. I did get to visit Britex, my favorite fabric store in the world, while we were passing through San Francisco on our way to their new digs. It is almost, but not quite, unbeleivable that she is the same baby that came to me at four months old. She asked me several times to tell her things she did when she was a baby and things she and Ella did together. I am so thankful to be in her life and to have her still in mine.
OK my brain is shutting down fast, I will try to post more details about the case, life and laundry soon! Oh, and if anyone is in the neighborhood and wants to come clean my bathroom, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get to it for a while, so come on by!
I was in the store formerly known as price club and I had them both in the sling. A woman asked me if I had a two headed baby. I assured her that I did.
A man at the local TJ's chased me through the store with his cell-cam trying to take pictures of them. He got really, really bent out of shape when I wouldn't let him.
Everywhere we go people want to touch them and kiss them. Um - keep your germy hands offa my babies people! Ella has started saying "yes they're twins, two boys, eight weeks old" as soon as anyone approaches. It's kind of funny. I've learned to just keep moving as I smile and answer.
Lily and her family moved away to northern California a couple of months ago so we flew out to visit them last week, with the boys. The kids were so, so good, but it was quite an adventure. I did get to visit Britex, my favorite fabric store in the world, while we were passing through San Francisco on our way to their new digs. It is almost, but not quite, unbeleivable that she is the same baby that came to me at four months old. She asked me several times to tell her things she did when she was a baby and things she and Ella did together. I am so thankful to be in her life and to have her still in mine.
OK my brain is shutting down fast, I will try to post more details about the case, life and laundry soon! Oh, and if anyone is in the neighborhood and wants to come clean my bathroom, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get to it for a while, so come on by!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
